someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There's always time for handjobs
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
