i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
