im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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