Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
