I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
tell your sister to shave her snatch
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
