just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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