Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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