I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
is wine microwaveable?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
