My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
