So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
