24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I currently don't understand fingers.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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