The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
