i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
