I met the friendliest cop last night
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Couch. On fire.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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