my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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