if i can run in heels then i can drive
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
