I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
