Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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