Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Randomize
