your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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