Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
