census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
And then my night got REAL pukey
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
