I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize