its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
