I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize