Already got asked if we're dating
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
