Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
