Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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