Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
