so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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