Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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