I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Alive.
So much puke
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
