a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
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I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
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I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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