Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
