no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
