i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
