You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
