my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
