she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Welp...herpes.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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