I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
