The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
