I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
