Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
nut hugger
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
