I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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