Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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