i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
