Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
