Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
