I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
