Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
