I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
