In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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