I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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