day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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