to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
