Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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