you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
