For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
