Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
