I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
