I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize