I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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