That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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