i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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