HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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