i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
