you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
