If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
no, he came in my armpit
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
