Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
