Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
