if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
