"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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