Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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