Soap is not a condiment
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
