Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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