She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
