Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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